


The Quieter I Get

by Royalravens



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Confessions, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feelings Realization, Getting Together, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Torture, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Murphy Is Angry, Murphy needs a hug, No Becho In This House Thank You Very Much, Post-Season/Series 04, Pre-Season/Series 05, Psychological Trauma, spacekru
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2018-07-22
Packaged: 2019-06-14 18:06:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15394425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Royalravens/pseuds/Royalravens
Summary: “I’m sure she intended to come back-”“Oh, quit the bullshit, Bellamy.”or,Murphy finally snaps.





	The Quieter I Get

**Author's Note:**

> Geez okay here goes:
> 
> I wrote this in, like, a couple of hours, I was tired and my English is not the best, but I hope y'all will like it anyway! 
> 
> Enjoy reading :)

"The quieter I get the more I'm screaming inside."

\- Tina J. Richardson

* * *

 

“Murphy?”

Bellamy carefully looked around as he stepped over the border Murphy had imposed to distance himself from the others. He felt tense, and it wasn’t exactly a mystery why; Murphy hadn’t responded to his name, nor was he anywhere to be seen, and that was usually a sign he was lurking in the shadows to jump Bellamy. 

It had been this way for a while, ever since Emori and Murphy broke up, or as it was now more commonly known, Murphy's Epic Freak-Out. Murphy refused to even come get food, so someone (read: Bellamy) had to bring him his disgusting greens. And when they did, they either got jumped, or Murphy would just ignore them. 

What the Epic Freak-Out came down to was this: Murphy had snapped. Nobody had seen it coming, least of all Emori. Maybe he’d felt trapped, or there was a lack of conflict, but the truth was, they just didn’t know. And asking him was certainly out of the question. Or, like Bellamy suspected given the fact everyone all seemed to choose Emori’s side, they just didn’t want to talk to him. Except him of course. 

Bellamy was pulled from his thoughts by a small voice coming from his left. 

“Over here,” Murphy said. 

He was sitting against a window, staring at the stars outside. Bellamy sat down opposite to him and handed him the bowl. 

“How is Raven’s escape plan coming?” Murphy asked quietly.

“Not too great. She’s getting more and more frustrated, so we all agreed not to talk about it.” 

“She’ll figure it out,” Murphy said. Bellamy wasn’t proud of the fact that he wasn’t sure anymore. “Hey, uhm- how’s Emori doing?” 

Bellamy ran a hand through his hair and stared at his feet. “Well- I guess she’s doing okay. Still angry and all, but okay.”

Only then he noticed Murphy was crying. 

Murphy wasn’t trying to hide it, and Bellamy didn’t know why, but because of that he didn’t know what to say. He knew he had to say something though. God, Clarke would have been better at this.

“Are you, uhm-” He cleared his throat, looking for the right words. “Murphy, what’s wrong?”

Murphy scoffed in response. “Yeah, as if you would care. As if any of you would care.” Bellamy expected him to get up and run off, avoid the conversation, but he stayed put. 

“C’mon, you know I do,” Bellamy said. 

For the first time since he’d gotten there, Murphy looked at Bellamy, and just the sight of him broke Bellamy’s heart. And not because his face was wet from the tears or his eyes were red from the crying, but because his eyes were filled with a weird mixture of sadness and anger. 

Neither of them talked for what felt like minutes. They just stared at each other, until Murphy looked away. 

“I assume Clarke never told you about the time she left me in Polis,” Murphy suddenly said, staring out the window. 

“You mean when she went to find Luna? You were in Polis with her then?” 

Murphy let out a sob. “Yeah- I was a prisoner there when she found me, and I guess she forgot about me.” 

Bellamy quirked his eyebrows skeptically. “I’m sure she intended to come back-”

“Oh, quit the bullshit, Bellamy.” Murphy shot Bellamy a furious look. “Even if she did, she shouldn’t have just, just left me there!” 

Bellamy couldn’t for the life of him think of why this was so upsetting to Murphy. He could remember meeting Murphy there, who had gotten out on his own, and who had then helped Clarke kill A.L.I.E.. Everything had worked out in the end.

If Bellamy was honest with himself, Murphy was getting on his nerves a little.

“Murphy, Clarke is dead. You can hold grudges all you want, but it’s not going to get you anywhere. And besides, you are responsible for your own actions.” Bellamy snapped. Murphy looked at him in disbelief.

“I _know_ she’s dead! Sometimes though, I think about everything that happened, and I wonder if my life would've been better, had she not been around.”

Bellamy felt a heat rise in his chest. Murphy could not be serious. How dared he say something like that? 

“You can’t blame Clarke for all _your_ hatred, Murphy! That’s just not fair.”

Murphy let out an exasperated sigh, stood up and angrily wiped his tears.

“Do you want to know why I hate everyone? Or why i am _so angry_ all the time?” He yelled. “It’s because my dad got thrown out the Ark for stealing medicine for me, and my mom told me it was my fault before choking on her own vomit.” 

Bellamy felt his cheeks redden. Murphy had never told him that. “Murphy-” 

“No! You’re gonna listen to me!” Murphy shouted, while pointing his finger at Bellamy. “It’s because since the minute I set foot on the ground, I had your back, and what did you do? You betrayed me and tried to hang me! And next thing I know I am being tortured for three days for information, and _even though_ I tried to protect everyone, when I showed up completely _covered_ in blood, I was greeted with a ‘you can fuck off when you feel better’! It’s because I was left to rot in Polis, with a psychopathic Nightblood, who… who-” He made a strange choking sound. 

“-who had sex with me, and even though I told myself I wanted it, I’m pretty sure I fucking didn’t.” 

Bellamy paled. 

“And then I had to pump her heart with my bare hands to keep _your girlfriend_ alive. And to top it all off, the people I finally learned to trust, tried to murder one of the only people who ever loved me back. So, you wanna know what’s wrong? _That’s_ what’s wrong, Bellamy!”

And with those words, Murphy stormed off. Bellamy stared with a shocked expression on his face at the place where he had disappeared. 

What the fuck just happened?

Bellamy couldn’t move. Why hadn’t Murphy told him any of that before? How could he not tell anyone? He couldn’t even imagine keeping half of those things bottled up. He would explode after a day.

After a few moments, the things Murphy had said began to sink in, and Bellamy buried his face in his hands. He wanted to throw up, that’s how ashamed he was. How on earth could Murphy have wound up on their side, if all they did was treat him like fucking garbage? 

How could Murphy have kept his history with Ontari to himself? Bellamy was pretty sure he hadn’t even told Emori about it. 

Bellamy’s heart started to race. He had to go find him. He quickly stood up and jogged in the direction Murphy had ran off to. After a while of searching, Bellamy opened a door that led to a stairwell, and at last, there he was. Neither of them spoke as he sat down next to him on the stairs.

He seemed to have stopped crying, but it was still very obvious that he had. He also didn’t really look angry anymore, just completely exhausted and sad. Bellamy cleared his throat.

“Murphy, I’m- I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “I know an apology is never going to be enough, but I need you to know that I’m sorry. For everything that happened.” Bellamy took Murphy’s hand, and they sat in silence again. This time though, there was no tension. 

“Can I ask you a question?” Bellamy suddenly asked. Murphy drew a deep, shuddering breath, and nodded. 

“Why is this anger all coming out now?”

“I guess I just couldn’t take it anymore,” he replied, but even Murphy didn’t seem completely convinced. Something had to have triggered the Freak-Out, Bellamy was sure of it. 

“No,” Bellamy said, and Murphy looked at him, a little taken aback. “I don’t buy that. Something happened.” Murphy blushed. 

“Well- yeah, I guess…” He inhaled slowly. “…I kinda freaked when I saw you at the farm a couple of weeks ago.”

What? The farm? 

“What do you mean you saw-” Bellamy stopped himself, and Murphy took his hand back. The farm. No way. Murphy saw that? And why would he freak out about that? Unless- 

Bellamy felt his cheeks flush.

Unless he saw him with Echo. And if Echo trying to kiss him is the cause of his melt-down, then that would mean…

Bellamy looked at Murphy, who was clearly avoiding looking back at him. Finally, their eyes met, and a warm feeling spread through his chest. Murphy’s eyes flickered to his lips, and that was all he needed to just lean forward and connect their lips. Murphy tensed for a second, but almost immediately melted into the kiss. 

After a few moments, Murphy pulled away and chuckled. “So I guess you and Echo didn’t work out?” 

“Me and Echo?” Bellamy laughed. “Could you even imagine that? We would be at each other’s throats all the time!” 

Murphy laughed, and laid his head on Bellamy’s shoulder. “They’re not going to like this,” he whispered.

Bellamy smiled. “We’ll make them. We got plenty of time.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come cry with me on tumblr: [Royalravens](https://royalravens.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Please, please, please leave a comment, I'd really appreciate it!


End file.
